terça-feira, 18 de setembro de 2012

It feels like praying...


A blank page, is that what I am? I do not work. I only study. I like my undergraduate course, but I do not want to be a teacher… It is worse… I do not know what I want to be. I just do not want to be stuck anywhere. I would like to find something that could make me happy. I do not wish to be a leader, I like to help; I like to do my best for someone that needs me. I work better backstage. I am too shy to talk in front of a crowd. I do not like talking to many people. I like to do my stuff quietly. I love peace. I love organization. I love professionalism.
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I know I have to live in a big city, my heart tells me that every day… But what should I do? I need money, my money… I love so many things and there are so many places I want to visit. I need to earn well to achieve my dreams - dreams cost a lot (unfortunately!). I do not want to surrender myself desperately to any opportunity that may appear just to prove something to my family. I need to grow up, but I want to do what I think it is the right thing to do.
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Sometimes I know I am too accommodated… But that is because everything seems to be so confusing. What do people do? Is there a book where I can find what I need to know to not give in to despair? I am not neurotic, but I am worried. I am worried because I do not know if I am following the right light.
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I know I cannot complain about my life. It is wonderful, but it is not mine. I am not responsible for my life. I want to raise myself. I am tired to be like a child who needs protection. I am not a child anymore, but I do not know how to be free and fly away to find my own destiny. I am not afraid of work; I just do not want to be a teacher for the rest of my life - that is what my heart screams every night when I go to sleep. I need some guidance. Can He listen to me now? Please, help me to find my way. Amen. 

Junie Nunes de Souza